WTF 2000's

By 2000's I mean Millennials.

Look, folks, I've defended them in this space before, and I still maintain that most of the bad press they're getting; 1-only applies to the hyper-educated elite, and 2-is coming from Balding Boomers pissed off that they're old.

That said, when I read this I thought it was a joke:

I don’t know how to do a lot of basic shit. I can only barely use a cordless power drill, and most baked goods I attempt come out with a texture somewhere between sand and the compressed wood chip material inside an IKEA end table. I still struggle with understanding a lot of financial concepts, and the minor repairs I’ve made on tears in my clothing end up looking like an offensive hobo Halloween costume. I’ve literally missed out on packages I was excited about being delivered because I was too lazy to go to the post office in another borough. I’m bad at a lot of stuff, and a lot of basic elements of being a ~functional adult~ still escape me, and I know that.

I should note for record that author Chelsea Fagan is cute enough.

[Now why does that matter?-Ed]. What you have some other criteria for how I should judge women?

Like I said, I thought it was a joke, some kind of performance art. Then I saw this:

Get your car's oil changed? That's adulting. Cook dinner instead of order takeout? That's adulting.

And now a new school in Maine, called the Adulting School, is dedicated to teaching skills like these to fledgling adults so they can become successful grown-ups.

I first read that and thought, 'Well I don't do any work on my car and....' then I read it closer. They're not teaching these dolts how to change their oil, they're teaching them how to pay someone to change their oil.

One day I'll write about what I was like in the 90's and how I transformed [did you just come out -Ed] Shut the fuck up, Ed,...how I transformed in the 2000's and became the man who is writing this blog post. I've always been pretty tough on the 1995-2000 Will. He was a pretty shiftless young man, lazy, unmotivated. Mostly he was a college dropout and was just confused as all hell.

For quick reference I was more or less the Seth Rogan character in the masterpiece, The 40 Year Old Virgin [Masterpiece? Seriously? -Ed] and Knocked Up.

Reading these articles gives me great pause. I may have been an idiot pool lifeguard in 1997 ($6:15 an hour), but I paid my bills. I could change a tire. I replaced the batteries in my smoke alarm. I may have eaten crap for dinner every night but at least I made it myself...etc. etc.

Perhaps I'm too rough on young Will?

Anyway, my advice to Chelsea [Did she ask you, motherfucker? -Ed] is to stop regarding Amy Schummer and Sarah Silverman as role models (you're Irish for the love of god), ask your mom for a few simple recipes, and never, ever sleep past 7 AM, even on the weekends.

You got a lot going for you, young lady. Smart, pretty [there you go again -Ed], yeah, because women hate being told they're pretty...let's make this happen.